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Accounting Humor |
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A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly." Then the interviewer calls in the economist and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four." Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
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Q: What is the definition of an accountant?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had
in a way you don't understand.
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear an accountant joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I'm an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 225 pounds, and he's an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, I don't want to have to explain it two times."
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."
The kid had swallowed a coin and it got stuck in his throat, and so his mother ran out in the street yelling for help. A man passing by took the boy by his shoulders and hit him with a few strong strokes on the back, and so he coughed the coin out. "I don't know how to thank you, doc...", his mother started. "I'm not a doctor", the man replied, "I'm from the IRS".
A man takes a balloon ride at a local country fair. A fierce wind suddenly kicks up, causing the balloon to violently leave the fair and carry its occupant out into the countryside. Landing in a farmer's field, the man is left with no clue how far he has flown or to where. Seeing a man walking down the street, he cries out: "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where I am?"
Eyeing the man in the balloon the passer by says: "You are in a downed balloon in a farmer's field."
"You must be an accountant, sir," replied the balloon's unhappy resident.
"How could you possible know that?" asked the passer-by.
"Because what you have told me is absolutely correct, but of absolutely no use to me now, " answered the balloonist.
The accountant says "You must be a manager." The balloonist says "How would you know that?"
The accountant replies, "Because you don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going, and you are exactly where you were 10 minutes ago but somehow it's now my fault!"